Grief. A heavy word with various meanings from person to person. There really isn't any manual on it, and it's definitely not linear. The "stages" may work for some, but it is not a reality for the majority of people, at least not in that "expected" format.
There are all sorts of grief and losses we experience throughout our lifetimes- loss of friendships, jobs, pets, experiences, and so forth. The definition of "grief" is "the experience of coping with loss" (Cleveland Clinic).
When we think of grief, we often think of the love we associate with the person (or situation), however, many people still grieve the loss experienced with individuals who may not have been the best person, which can open up a plethora of feelings. This could include confusion, adding additional layers to get through. Examples of this may be the loss of a parent whom you had an estranged, complicated relationship with, or an ex-partner who was abusive.
Grief can creep up at any time & the holiday season is not exempt from it. Holiday seasons, no matter what you celebrate, can invoke a sense of dread when grieving.
You may not want to celebrate or feel festive, or you may associate the season with your loss.
For the sake of this post, the grief I am focusing on is the grief of a loved one.
Whatever it the situation, grief is hard, and it is VALID.
Here are some tips from me to you during the holiday season. This list is not limited to what is explored here.
Taking it one day at a time: Grief has the ability to rush time and slow it down all at once, IYKYK. Take some deep breaths and try to stay in the moment. You might even need to take things hour by hour, or minute by minute. This all depends on where you are in your grief journey.
Share memories of your loved one(s): If and when you're ready, it may be helpful to share memories of your loved one, whether in conversation with others, in some kind of memorial post, or through a creative outlet. This can coincide with the next point. Additionally, sharing memories with individuals grieving the same individual(s) can provide a sense of comfort and make it feel less lonely in your grief journey.
Talk about it: It is never good to bottle up your feelings. It may be beneficial to get in contact with a grief counselor if you don't feel you have a safe person to talk to, especially if your grief is complicated. Many people do not want to burden others with their feelings, which leads to the bottling up of emotions. Journaling, or creative journaling, may also be an effective outlet for you. Creating art (see below) can be an outlet if you don't really have the words, which is okay!
Acknowledge your grief: Allow yourself to feel sad, angry. . . all the feelings and let yourself FEEL them. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to yell, yell. Grief sucks so give yourself permission to express your feelings.
Engage in an activity they enjoyed during the holiday: For some people, it may be helpful to keep traditions alive that you may have done with a loved one. Bake the cookies, decorate the tree, listen to their favorite holiday tunes. Depending on your beliefs, it may make you feel close to them and feel their presence. Or it simply may provide a smile, or comfort knowing you carried on that part of them.
Take care of your own needs: Self-care is important when grieving. Grief takes a toll on our physical bodies. Prioritize rest, make sure you're getting enough water and nutrition. Engage in activities you enjoy for yourself. Snuggle up in a blanket if you feel you need extra comfort. Listen to your body's needs.
You know yourself best. If you are trying something and it is making you feel worse, take a step back. It is OK to not "do the thing". That, in itself, is taking care of your own needs.
All of these points can be applied at any time, however, as mentioned before, the holidays can be extra difficult. This can be due to traditions that are now misplaced, anniversaries, the dreaded "firsts", etcetera.
As an art therapist, a great way to process anything, and in this instance, loss, utilizing a creative outlet can provide relief and comfort-or help release some difficult emotions, which is ALWAYS okay.
For my own creative process, I worked within a confined space, in this instance a mandala (circle in Sanskrit). I honor the mandala for what it is and its cultural significance within the Hindu culture. In Western utilization, it is often used in art therapy for different reasons. I chose the mandala to represent the "circle of life" and the never-ending cycle of my grief. I will always miss my loved one but with time and processing, I will grow around it. Grief never really "ends" it just changes.
The art.
What you create doesn't have to make sense. It can but it may only make sense to you. It may be chaotic. It could include symbolism, words, and various mediums intertwined. It could be intentional or random. Let go and let the art be what it needs to be. You don't even need to like it. Grief is messy, and we don't like it.
To take it a step further, you provide a written reflection or let your conscious flow with words, phrases or feelings that emerge from the art. You may have a memory that comes up that you could continue to explore, whatever it is, it is your process to do with what you wish. Trust the process.
Like any artmaking process that elicits an emotional response, be sure to take care of your needs if complicated emotions arise. Sit with them and do some further processing, if needed or confide in someone you trust. You've got this.
Grief sucks- I know,
Micki